Amuse Thyself: Day Schninerty of Quarantine

On whatever day this is, I find myself both amused and terrified regarding what I’m becoming.

See, I’m enough of a researcher of the human condition to be fascinated as an observer. The ethnographer in me is itching to interview quarantine subcultures and write about them, and I find myself the most interested at the changes taking place within me as I devolve.

Speaking of said changes, the impatient-with-children, averse-to-sudden-loud-noises introvert in me, however, is itching to flip right out about being “alone” in a house with other people, two of whom are fighting children who hate the idea of homeschooling, next door to people who got a dog and are watching their grandchildren, who are all clearly hard of hearing, and seem to keep losing them outside.

JUST ANSWER HER AND COME INSIDE OH MY GOD.

But I digress.

The devolving is real, is my point.

Gone are the playful days discussing my robe. I’m grateful for it, don’t get me wrong, but the reality is that when I do get dressed, I’m noticing that all of my t-shirts are way too tight. Old me response: work out more, stop eating before bedtime. New me response: stop wearing clothes. Stay in my room, under covers, watching movies, lighting one off of another like a chain smoker, and play Yahtzee.

And speaking of Yahtzee: I’m addicted to it. A lot. Enough that, on my first week home, I spent $20 on a package of bonus “rolls” that I spent in about 15 minutes. This lavish display of actual money spent scared me enough that I vowed never to do it again, and I haven’t. But Yahtzee got crafty yesterday. There are two “tournaments” going at any given time: one with a revolving series of Yahtzee games (solitaire, slots, etc) in which points accumulate and you can level up to win profile picture frames, new dice designs, whatever, and one that gives you the same shit but has you compete against different levels of Yahtzee bosses. You get free turns until you lose, then you have to wait an hour or two for your next free turn to begin (unless you want to spend money).

Yesterday, the Yahtzee gods suspended the time limits between turns. That meant that, once I discovered this, I basically played Yahtzee for eight straight hours. I also watched six movies and built a trivia event for my weekly trivia gig, but the real point is that I played Yahtzee for eight hours. I played Yahtzee so much that I got tired of it. I played Yahtzee so much that I cycled through the five stages of grief for the loss of myself at least twice. I played Yahtzee so much that I didn’t check Reddit. Or Facebook, but that was a blessing. But not checking Reddit? Who even am I anymore?

Thankfully, the time limits have since been returned and I can focus on the normal things, such as the new game I started with Josh called “man with an arm attached to his face.” He never knows when it’s going to start, but it’s usually in the mornings before he gives up and escapes the bed. He’ll be talking, and then I’ll slap my arm right against the front of his face and ask him how he’s supposed to live like this. We have the best time. Today, for example, I tried to give him an extra pillow for his head and he threw it right into my chest. When I pretended that he had shot me and fell face down onto the bed, he said he wished his knee had been there for me to fall on, and then laughed in delight at the thought of the visual.

We’re doing fine.

Back to Reddit, though. It’s been a lifesaver. So much so that I’ve compiled a few of my favorites for you to enjoy.

First, this amazing video that sums up what it’s like to work in any kind of customer service:

This is everything.

Next, THIS amazing video that sums up not only what it’s like to have a sibling, but what it’s like to live with siblings during quarantine, or to live with anyone, really.

So accurate.

Seriously, though, check Reddit out sometime if you haven’t.

Back to the six movies a day: that really happened yesterday, but I’ve been on a pretty regular four movies a day schedule, which has upped the number of movies I’ve seen in 2020 to 68. But that’s another story for another day. Right now I have to go check Yahtzee – I think the time reset.

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