Freelance by Jen

Consider me the No More Tangles of your writing needs.

Yesterday, I barely slept because, as my friend Callie helpfully pointed out, I need to get my circadian rhythm together (also, I love this song so much I popped it in here). But I knew I had a lil’ trivia show to do at 2:00 so I got up, exercised, showered, pulled some weeds outside, looked at plants with Josh, had a meeting, looked at my painting again and got absurdly happy, did the trivia, did some volunteer work, went to the river for an early-evening, people-free float, finished my fourth day of eating like a health-minded person, worked on a resume, and fell asleep at a regular-life-nothing-to-see-here time of 11:30.

It’s still good.

And then I woke up at 4:00 a.m. starving, like I was maybe going to perish if I didn’t eat something. I tried to pretend that wasn’t happening, but by 4:45 I was in the kitchen quietly, stealthily, getting a full jar of peanut butter and a spoon out, like a ninja might.

An off-her-game, I-can’t=fit=into-my-ninja-blacks-anymore ninja. A ninja in like, the loosest-possible linking of reality. Maybe in more of a metaphorical sense, like “a ninja in her own mind.” That’s not even what I’m getting at, though.

Guys? Guys? It didn’t even taste good.

Don’t get me wrong. I gave it four solid chances. But it didn’t taste good, and that made me sad.

And then I woke back up at 9:00 feeling like I had actually eaten the whole jar (I checked and I hadn’t, but I’m still suspicious). I also had a dream that I had a Scentsy party (what) and the Scentsy peddler’s daughter wiled her way into my husband’s soul and he left me. It was only a little bit off of reality (Josh looked nothing like Josh and actually a little more like a cross between Ron Jeremy and some guy from the 90 Day Fiancé franchise I’d just seen a series of memes/articles about and we didn’t live in this house and we had an older couple hired as live-in help and I kept asking Ron Jeremy-Josh why we had live-in help since we were unemployed) but overall, it felt pretty dead accurate so I woke up with peanut butter bloat and the certainty that I would now have to fend for myself in the world and I couldn’t even be excited about peanut butter so what does anything mean.

Unemployment has its ups and downs is I guess what I’m really trying to say.

But the water was beautiful yesterday and I got excited because I realized I could identify upwards of FIVE trees unaided (sycamore, red bud, dogwood, cedar, mimosa) so maybe I’m gonna get this little tree project completed sooner than I thought.

I also got excited because my mom, who knows me, mailed me a nightshirt. It’s a size small, which is a little ambitious for me currently, but it’s still loose and I still love it. It’s printed with assorted containers of coffee and it’s just lovely.

After I put it on, I wondered why I could wear a nightshirt around the house and feel like I’m straight slumming, but I couldn’t wear an even softer-materialed t-shirt dress around the house because I balk at the fanciness. I’ll probably never know, and who has time to think about it when there are all these TREES out there!?

Finally, today, our “roasting” episode of the Interpretive Stance podcast dropped, and it reminded me of a simpler time. What I love about doing a podcast with three guys who are varying ages of way younger than I am is that they’re a little hesitant to roast me, due to how easy it is. My age, my donut obsession, my general bitchiness, my raging insecurities…the targets are almost endless. But they’re hesitant, and that’s fine, but this was still a really fun one to record.

Man, I got off track. Let’s get to the important stuff.

Today’s tree: the sycamore. It’s got identifiable bark, and not bark, for days.

Look at that majestic lil’ baby.

Today’s movie: BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S, 1961 (Starz, Prime). I didn’t realize what a insouciant little sasspot Holly Golightly is, and I’m here for it. Also, that’s George PEPPARD!? Talk about an A-Team!

Today’s television show: BETTER CALL SAUL. If you watched BREAKING BAD, you should really check it out.

Today’s exciting new Oreo flavor I haven’t tried yet: tiramisu. I’m not a big fan of tiramisu per se, but I am a big fan of trying new Oreos, so that’s that.

Anyway, I’m back in my robe today and really relieved it’s chilly and cloudy. Hit me up if you want to talk about, like, food or movies or tv.

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