Freelance by Jen

Consider me the No More Tangles of your writing needs.

I’ve talked a lot about my love of sugar, and snack cakes, and Little Debbie in general.

I’ve also talked about my poor step-mothering skills.

In a burst of probably-misguided optimism, I decided to bring my love of one to my fear of the other in a desperate exercise in attempted bonding.

First and foremost, kudos and a huge thanks to my friend Caleb. In our Alamo support group a couple weeks ago, he had posted a scaled-down, Sweet Sixteen Little Debbie’s bracket.

I didn’t have to stretch that far, then, for the idea of a series of weekly family bracket challenges.

Thanks to the internet, the Little Debbie Snack Madness bracket existed.

So this week, we all filled out brackets (Josh, Hunter, Shelby and I fully, the boys less so because they hadn’t tried a lot of the items).

We got everyone’s winners ahead of time, purchased said winners, and scheduled a Zoom to discuss our findings, and maybe even open our minds to others’ opinions.

I had more trouble than I thought deciding on my winner. I tried to avoid actually eating the options. I even made a Google Slideshow about my two finalists, hoping that it would be enough for me to ultimately decide.

And then, last night at about 11pm, I broke.

I had four Zebra Cakes and two Oatmeal Cream Pies.

Turns out that made it even harder, so then I had a Zebra Cake roll.

And that was my real winner. But it was also Cash’s winner, and I didn’t want to trod on his moment, so I made mine Zebra Cake.

No matter what the flavor, though, the real point is I never want to see another one again togetherness. We had a truly beautiful time of togetherness, and we bonded, and I want to hurl but it’s only because of my extremely, extremely, even still, many hours later, extremely full stomach.

What we learned:

Both Hostess and Little Debbie cupcakes have the patented seven-swirl topper.

Star Crunches are the perfect snack for those who have to drive a lot for work, because it doesn’t come off on your hands, but also has a lot of subtle nuances of layering that give you an overall multi-level taste experience.

Honey Buns do not contain honey.

The first Little Debbie snack was the Oatmeal Cream Pie, born in 1960.

The Oatmeal Cream Pie also has a 23-year shelf life.

Nutty Buddies changed their name from the original Nutty Bar at some point and didn’t really make a big deal about it.

Hunter and Shelby’s dogs, Chewie and Millie, don’t like it when Hunter and Shelby are paying too much attention to the Zoom call.

Our next family bracket challenge will be non-alcoholic beverages.

Cruz breaks down, layer by layer, the fine points of the Nutty Buddy bar.

5 thoughts on “Little Debbie, Lotta Love

  1. Sue Ellen Novak says:

    Wow. I am nauseated by that amount of sugar, and I haven’t even eaten any.

    Like

  2. FreelanceJen says:

    I know, mom. 🙂

    Like

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