Freelance by Jen

Consider me the No More Tangles of your writing needs.

Holy COW, you guys. As you may recall, I’ve started making myself learn all the United States presidents so I can say that this time off actually made me smarter in some way aside from snack cake debates.

This, then, is Part Two of a presidential Hot Goss series. Plenty to dissect, so awayyyyy we go!

As if James K. Polky, as I call him, and all of his shenanigans in gettin’ that 49th PARALLELLLLL weren’t enough, Zachary Taylor comes along being all rough and ready and disheveled and up and DIES a year into office, paving the way for Millard Fillmore, who couldn’t fill me with LESS enthusiasm, and Franklin Pierce, who got to kind of coast a bit, relatively speaking considering this whole slavery topic was definitely getting people killed.

Whew. Anyway, just wait. JUST YOU WAIT. Because I was really, intensely curious about who the president was right before Lincoln, and thought I knew, but when it was confirmed, I seriously did a happy little jig in my kitchen. To be fair, I do that literally every day anyway when I’m about to eat, so it wasn’t a huge deal, but it also WAS a huge deal in that I did a non-food-related jig in my kitchen.

My non-food jig was because our 15th president was JAMES BUCHANAN!

James Buchanan had a LOT on his presidential plate. While his predecessors for sure knew that the new states were beginning to square off regarding individual stances regarding slavery, each had managed to dodge what seemed to be an increasingly certain path to civil war. And in the beginning, Buchanan thought the coast would remain clear in his presidency, as well.

Having gotten a hot tip from some people in the Supreme Court KNOW, Jimmy B, as I call him, was comfortable saying in his inaugural address that the whole issue was about to be resolved “speedily and mightily” in the Supreme Court.

Two days later, the Dred Scott verdict was handed down. And it did NOT resolve anything speedily or mightily, unless “anything” was “pissing people way more off.”

And as if THAT all weren’t enough, people were way into knowing about James Buchanan’s personal life. Why? Because he was the only president to be a lifelong bachelor.

Now if I were James Buchanan, probably the first thing I would have done upon awakening every morning was dance around the White House singing, something like “I’M A SINGLE PERSON LIVING IN A GIANT HOUSE LALALALALALA.” But seriously, like this guy doesn’t have enough going on, y’all? He had a really divided country to deal with; did he really need to worry about who he was dating or not dating? Specifically, could he not just have a guy friend who was also a bachelor (one William Rufus DeVane King of Alabama) without people popping off with speculation?

As far as I’m concerned, the only thing William Rufus DeVane King was guilty of was having a bangin’ name.

Anyway, James Buchanan seems like a solid dude to me.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, so my movie recommendation of the day (and I say this with trepidation) is I Am Mother (Netflix). I recommend doing a Netflix Party for this one and roasting it as you go with friends/fellow movie lovers. Our Springfield Film Club group did that, and it was way funnier than it probably would have been had I gone it alone. Hillary Swank’s in it.

Show of the day: Party Down, Hulu. I had never heard of this, and Josh found it over the weekend. WHAT A FIND. Love it. Adam Scott? Jane Lynch? Ken Marino?

Yes to all.

Song of the day: Head Over Feet, Alanis Morissette. Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and also the day I found out the concert I’ve waited the last 26 years to attend will be postponed indefinitely, so in honor of that, we have the song I played ad nauseum when my son (who, had he been a girl, would’ve been named Alanis) was born. Because I was head over feet when he showed up, and I still am. He’s for real the best and coolest person in all of time and space, and I will fight you about it if you get in his grill.

Tree of the day: Maple. Something about spring has kicked in my oppositional defiance, and I’m dreaming of the gorgeousness of a maple tree in the fall. Or dreaming of the fall because it’s the earliest I might see live music again in person. One of those.

*James Buchanan photo courtesy of Smithsonian Mag

One thought on “Hot Goss Part Deux: Presidents Be Crazy!

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