Over It – But Maybe a Little Bit Under It

Yesterday was rough, as I mentioned, but today is a little less so. I set an alarm, just for the luxury of shutting it off, but I also got out of bed before 10, which was automatically a huge improvement. I showered immediately. I did a lil’ dance workout. And then Josh and I went and bought a toilet.

Let me tell you about toilets. There are a lot of options, and almost every one of them looks the same. Except the ones that don’t. What I really wanted: to get the $999 smart toilet just to confirm that I love my bathroom. Alternatively, to get the all-one-piece toilet because I live with boys. Fortunately, I’m unemployed, so we kept it nice and cheap and basic but also a little on the side of saving water. And then we looked at vanities because every year we say is the master on-suite or whatever the hell it’s called now year, and every year it has continued to not be. We have a shower that’s got all the tile busted out of it (our project in 2018) that I have never showered in, in the five years I’ve lived here, because it doesn’t work. We have a very old vanity that I’m positive was original to the house with a sink that I will never drink out of, no matter how thirsty I am unless I’m trapped there more than a day-ish.

And, on the way home, Josh showed me the response to a meme he’d sent on our group text with my son (Hunter) and his girlfriend (Shelby), and then asked me “Did you not see it?” and then showed it to me and I said “I did now” and then he quietly mumbled “do” and I said “YOU SAID DID SO I SAID DID FOR EFFECT” and he said “It’s tense” and yes it was funny okay but sometimes I need him to not even though I love him a whole bunch and then I gave myself a mental backhand to the face because really is this the hill you’re gonna die on and then wondered if it was maybe better that Springfield is opening up Monday (I’m not, though. Theaters, not happening until MAYBE July around here).

And THEN we got home (and he moved the toilet into the garage by himself and I love him so much) and I came in to post the Facebook poll of the day on our Springfield Film Club group and instead saw that my gym is opening back up Monday.

And then I took a pause.

While, yes, I have proven to myself that I am not good at working out on my own, I already knew that. I have longed for my gym so often these last six weeks. But now that it’s happening? I’m not sure I’m ready for that. But now that I know that my account’s gonna get hit for a month either way, I’m really wondering what I’m going to do.

I miss my parents, and I want to visit them. I don’t want to put them at more risk than seeing them already would, but my mom’s having a milestone birthday (70!) in mid-May, and I’m going to see her no matter what. I don’t want to germ it up first. Though we’ve allegedly long since hit our apex, I also know that people aren’t exactly lining up to get tested, and even if they were, tests are still in very short supply.

I also miss Hunter and Shelby, and I AM going to visit them Monday for a few days. They’ve been sheltering at home exclusively, so there’s that guilt, but I also know that his days at home are numbered at this point, and I want to take advantage of the time we have left.

So that’s where today is. I definitely don’t want to be part of the problem, and definitely want to still only leave the house when we need to (while our current toilet is jacked beyond simple repair, we didn’t HAVE to leave the house to buy it today…I just didn’t want to go on a weekend), but I also want to gain back the mental health that my gym boosts for me.

Is anyone else feeling similarly guilty? Or are you like, screw this, I’m goin’ out there and I don’t even care?

While you’re thinking about that…I present:

Movie of the Day: Parasite, Hulu. It won a pile of Oscars, and while it’s subtitled, it wouldn’t kill you to read. It guarantees that you’re focused on the movie, and that’s a good thing.

Show of the day: Arrested Development, Netflix. If you’ve never seen this, you’re in luck, because, thanks to Netflix, there’s a couple new seasons! It’s ridiculous and perfect.

Song of the day (above and here): Welcome to Your Life, Grouplove. It’s just so happy!

Plant of the day: I’m still just crushing on our gorgeous rhododendron. Every day it brings us a new treat in its beauty, and there are few things that immediately boost my spirits like this time of year for our little rhod do.

My phone and WordPress don’t mix, so here’s an also-very-pretty rhododendron from The Farmer’s Almanac.


I start every day vowing to become healthier and end every day by zeroing out my fridge.
That's the kind of self-sabotage that forms the core of my being.
You know what I'm good at, though? Spinning words into a magical skein that envelopes you in success. Let's talk about that first, and if snacks end up happening, so be it.

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  1. Sue Ellen Novak says:


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