It’s Fri-Yay! or: This is For All the Lonely People.

Haha that’s funny because every day is Fri-Yay in my heart.

Please forgive me for using Fri-Yay twice – shit, now three times. I’m delirious and it just slipped out. Yes, all three times.

That’s who I am now.

So anyway today I’m mulling over the notion of starting an all-canned goods diet because I don’t want to go to the store ever. Sounds boring, but wait, there’s more. I’m thinking about taking the labels off all of the cans first.

(Who am I kidding. It’s beans every time.)

Looks like it’s back to the drawing board on the diet thing, but in the meantime, I’ve been watching four movies every day. The good news is, I’m so behind on movies, and missed watching so many classics, that this should last a good long while, which it looks like is how much time at home I have. I’m grateful for electricity and plenty of movie apps to help me make this a thing. I’m grateful for free time that solidifies my vague notion that Ari Aster movies just aren’t going to be my thing no matter how angry this makes Ari Aster fans, but sometimes it be like that. I finally watched The Graduate, and On the Waterfront, and Cleo from 5 to 7 thanks to the Criterion Channel app. Thanks to the TUBI app, I finally watched Dear Zachary, though I recommend maybe anyone watching that one get in a stable headspace first, which maybe isn’t so easy right now.

I did a virtual trivia yesterday for some retirement communities, which was absolutely beautiful and totally worth the hours of stress-building it.

I’m learning Zoom, and had my first Zoom all-pleasure-no-work-involved meeting this morning with some amazing fellow homebound friends after we discovered we were all in the same workout Facebook group. Side note, I really haven’t been working out even though it’s absolutely doable with hours of free time a day, especially while watching movies. The real point is, my friends all wore robes so I wouldn’t feel as lonely, and if those aren’t friends, then what’s even real?

But the thing is that there are still hours and days and weeks of uncertainty ahead, in a way that’s different from the normal uncertainty about life. If I lived alone, there’s a very real chance that I’d just be in my robe all the time, taking breaks only to shower and wash my robe, surrounded by oatmeal and bottles of skinny syrup and a mixing bowl that used to have cornbread batter in it but with no evidence of actual cornbread ever having been made, telling myself that I will NOT spend actual money on Yahtzee with Buddies even if it DOES give me 380 bonus rolls because who am I kidding (no one), I WILL use all of those bonus rolls in one day. Actually, that may happen even though I live with someone. Which reminds me of something that actually is important – all the people who deserve shoutouts right now. This is everyone, really, but I gotta break this down somehow. So, without further adieu, because I’ve already used plenty of adieu:

Shoutout to all the extremely patient spouses who are learning who the people they live with really are, which is now causing them to question everything. Someone should really put “pandemics” in the marital vows.

Speaking of vows, I was supposed to be getting on a plane to Utah today to officiate the wedding of my grad school buddy Carrie, who already had to postpone her wedding once because the venue fell through and is now looking at August for her third wedding date and just wants to get MARRIED, dammit! So, shoutout to all the brides-to-be whose dreams have been put on hold indefinitely, and all the grooms-to-be who have to helplessly comfort them.

And shoutout to all the parents who are looking at TWO summers, back to back, with kids who are bored and stir-crazy and who don’t understand, like, AT ALL, why they have to homeschool because it’s all one long spring break, man, and that should mean NOTHING to do, but also you can’t take them to the gym to shoot baskets or even to the zoo or even the DRIVE-THROUGH zoo to burn off their energy.

And shoutout to all the people who now find themselves out of work or furloughed in a job market that’s absolutely not normal, in a weird in-between space where money is still needed for bills that aren’t just going away, but the rest of the world is kind of standing still, so those interviews just aren’t going to happen, and who knows if or when their workplace will reopen.

And shoutout to all the people who do NOT find themselves out of work, but instead are in more demand than ever, to take care of the sick or stock shelves or ship goods or drive goods or drive people, who are exhausted and putting in tons of hours, at their own risk, so that what’s left of the world we once knew can keep spinning.

But most of all, heartbreakingly most of all, shoutout to the corona-positive cases, and to those who are isolated in any fashion, who have to go through this uncertainty and these feelings without even being able to have their families or friends to comfort them. Shoutout to those in retirement communities, in nursing homes, in hospitals, who can’t have visitors and don’t know how, or if, they will make it through.

You are loved, and while we stand with you in spirit, we look forward to standing with you in person, and hugging you, again.

Saying that we’re living in weird times is putting it the most mildly, and sometimes knowing that we’re all living it together isn’t enough. It’s lonely and it’s scary, and it’s unlike anything most of us have ever experienced. I love you guys, for what it’s worth.

So glad I got to see America in concert last year. Definitely not seeing any concerts anytime soon.


I start every day vowing to become healthier and end every day by zeroing out my fridge.
That's the kind of self-sabotage that forms the core of my being.
You know what I'm good at, though? Spinning words into a magical skein that envelopes you in success. Let's talk about that first, and if snacks end up happening, so be it.

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