This Season’s Hot New Trend

As I was lying on the floor today pretending to work out, I couldn’t help but notice the number of shoes in my closet. I mean, I noticed them when I was lying on the floor last week, too, when I moved them out to clean the closet floor, but last week was a lifetime ago in quarantine days.

Today, they seemed…frivolous. Wasteful. Like, who needs so many shoes, anyway? What am I, Imelda Marcos? Who needs ANY shoes, anyway? Not me! hahahaha! haha! ha.

But I digress.

The point is, I looked at all of those shoes, and then looked at all of the clothes hanging above them, which I’m also not using, and shit got real…surreal for a minute. Last week was my first week really, really not leaving the house for days at a time, and this week is my first week really, really not having a job like, at all, but it’s a little bizarre how fast I’ve gotten used to this new life. Fortunately, shoes and clothes don’t matter anymore. There’s only one must-wear spring accessory this year that everyone who’s anyone is wearing…

The mask.

I have one email address that’s a catch-all for subscriptions and my resume. Every time I join some reward club or streaming service or anything, I drop the dumping ground email in there. As a result, I get about 30-50 emails per day advertising all manner of places to blow my money. And it’s crazy how fast those places have all adapted to the world we currently live in. Week one was big sales. Week two was giant sales.

Week three is…masks.

Whether it’s how to make face masks at home with a sewing machine or basic needle and thread or how to magic together a no-sew mask with rubber bands and fabric squares, whether it’s a call to action by Etsy or a serious fashion statement, there is no denying that masks are important right now. I finally braved the public today and went to the store (off-peak time, definitely not busy at all) and while there were plenty of people mask-free (and one guy open-mouthed coughing nonstop as he walked down the main central grocery-side aisle), there were plenty more with masks. Some with gloves. And a lot of personnel ensuring that carts were clean.

I never would have thought that I’d be alive in a time when people were looking at what was on your face more than what was on your body, but here we are. It’s scary and it’s bizarre and it definitely makes me want to stay home, but here we are.

The point is, I bought enough groceries to never go back to the store, or at least for three weeks. I learned how to make a mask even though I can’t sew. But my plan overall? Staying home. Because as far and as fast as I’ve devolved, current events have opened new worlds to me. Such as why our pets get so psyched about what they see out the window, or what ladies used to do with their time back in Ye Olden Ayge (Exhibit A).

But seriously though.

And you know what they say: the fewer the clothes, the fewer the loads of laundry.


I start every day vowing to become healthier and end every day by zeroing out my fridge.
That's the kind of self-sabotage that forms the core of my being.
You know what I'm good at, though? Spinning words into a magical skein that envelopes you in success. Let's talk about that first, and if snacks end up happening, so be it.

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  1. I get it. Worked in cleaning out shoes yesterday myself. Loaded in the Explorer. Interesting enough was the fact that none were shoes you bought me.

    Sent from my iPhone


    1. I’m glad. Hey, need some more shoes?

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