Yesterday, a co-worker of mine sent a text indicating that he wasn’t sure how it was mid-May when he didn’t really remember April happening.
It was a huge relief to read that text, and realize that I’m not alone.
While the world is slowly resuming normalcy, my industry is not there yet. Larger venues designed to create close quarters are cautious. We do. not. want. to contribute to a resurgence, a second wave, further illness, etc.
And I love it, honestly. For example, today, I woke up at 5 a.m. because it was storming, and couldn’t go back to sleep. Insanely busy job me would have been so stressed about that, knowing that I had a full day ahead and that staying alert would be super hard.
Current me was like, hey, whatever. I have a thing at 1:00 p.m. and a quick call at 5:30, and if those seem too difficult, I just won’t do them or whatever.
I just won’t do them or whatever. A Zoom and a phone call. Roughly one hour out of a 24 hour day, and I’m still like, whoa, what am I, a CEO now?
For the record, I’m doing both, but also for the record, both were fun things I wanted to do.
There are a few things that are important to me every day. These are things that I can’t NOT do: make my bed. Shower. Write.
Then there are things I stopped doing for awhile and had to get back quickly, so as to not devolve into a pit of despair: work out. Eat responsibly.
Then there are things that mean a lot to me personally that I want to capitalize on while I have the time: volunteer work with The League of Women Voters and Ozarks Literacy Council. Help my friend Cindy with her Give a Child a Voice anti-bullying campaign.
But ultimately, I do all of those when I feel like I have the headspace and desire. And none of them take long.
How in the hell am I going to want to return to a workforce that demanded like, everything I had to give? How am I going to turn away from my family, to the point where they don’t contact me because “I know you’re so busy.”?
When life does begin to resume, I can’t go back to the way things were before. I never put my phone down. I checked email from the time I woke up to the time I passed out. And I responded. I stopped drinking a couple of years ago, which made me all the more likely not to shut down my communication at night, because before I would put my phone away so I didn’t answer an email at home whilst buzzed. Not drinking gave me no excuse, in my mind, not to respond. And respond eagerly. And over-promise. And say yes to everything.
I ran social media pages and answered quickly in a quest to perpetually achieve that “responsiveness” badge. I had lists upon lists upon lists broken down by day, week, month, and year, covering community outreach, programming, interactive events, bar events, memorial events, and on and on.
Just typing that made me feel anxious and kind of pissed off. And then, on top of that? I did volunteer work and went to the damn gym every day.
There is NO WAY I can go back to that life. There is no way I want to go back. And so, now, I daydream of how I do want to structure my days.
I think I drop the gym membership. I’ve acclimated to working out at home, and there are so many videos available online, apps on smart TV, that make that possible. I’m really crushing on Beachbody on Demand right now, and just had my first Shakeology today, so I’m one of those people, and I like it. Do you know how rare it is to drink a DELICIOUS protein shake? It’s basically unheard of, tbh.
I think I choose my volunteer work carefully. I’m passionate about voting, and I’m passionate about literacy. So I keep those.
I think I have to keep writing. It clears my head. But more importantly, I can share my passion for presidential gossip with you all. OMG did you even KNOW how close Rutherford B. Hayes was to not being president, guys? (And the guy who almost WAS president instead had a name that was nowhere NEAR as cool as Rutherford. Hand to heart.)
So anyway, two months into furlough, I’m figuring some shit out, is my point. And I’d love, love, love to hear how you’re doing. Have you figured out things about yourself, or confirmed what you’d already suspected? Do you have all the time in the world, or none of it? Tell me. Let’s talk about it. Possibly on Zoom, over snack cakes.
Oh, and snack cakes! Did you even KNOW that raisin cream pies are basically like cakes that don’t taste like raisin at all? But that CREAM be delightful.
Movie of the day: Crash, 2005, Prime. Josh and I have shifted from the AFI Top 100 American Films to Best Picture Winners, and holy SHIT, is this a good one if you think breathing is too easy.
Show of the day: Dead to Me, Netflix. I loved Season One, and Two just dropped. Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini bring it, hard.
Song of the day: Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World. I love this mix, and the simple beauty feels so right as we all scale back what life used to be.