Hi. It’s Friday and my elbow hurts a lot. My nails are borderline wrecked.
But I feel alive and that’s more than I can say for the past…well, for awhile. Probably years. Time’s meaningless anyway.
So yeah, I really like it (feeling alive, I mean) and want to keep feeling it. It’s for that reason that I’m throwing my hat in the ring for all jobs involving hammering the shit out of a wall just to make tiles fall to the ground and ideally break. Or just hammering through sheetrock.
Or just breaking stuff.
I did not feel as alive cleaning it all up, though I do enjoy cleaning when it doesn’t involve many layers of fine, invasive dust. So if there’s a job that involves hammering walls and occasionally screaming, then maybe making a nice melt or grilled cheese for my co-workers afterward and serving it to them, then cleaning up the kitchen, I mean, I’d be willing to do all of that.
Well, I mean, I’m also pretty good at laundry. I don’t want to brag, but I do all the laundry here where I live, and none of the guys who also live here have once tried to take that job away from me. So if there’s a job that involves hammering walls and occasionally screaming, grilling up sandwiches, light cleanup, and laundry, hi.
Now that I think of it, I do mow. I prefer a riding mower. I’ll also pull weeds and pick up sticks all day long, but don’t give me a weed eater, no matter how “easy this one is.” So yeah, if there’s a job that involves hammering walls and occasionally screaming, grilling up sandwiches, light cleanup, laundry, and yard work on my terms, pleased to meet you.
Looking back over this, it occurs to me that I’ve placed “occasionally screaming” right after “hammering walls.” I’d like to actually move that placement to the end, after “yard work” so that it reads “hammering walls, grilling up sandwiches, light cleanup, laundry, yard work, and occasionally screaming on my terms.”
And that pretty well does it. Oh! I also love to bake, and am kind of working through a personal thing in which I try to figure out which chocolate chip cookie variation is the best. This involves tweaking recipes in ways that involve subbing light corn syrup for white sugar, doubling the brown sugar and taking out the white sugar, using more or less butter, and trying different types of chocolate, so if it’s not too much trouble I’d like to kind of smoosh that all in there too.
Look, just let me hit your walls and break your tile. I’ll make you food and do your laundry and clean up after myself. Your house will smell nice and be clean, the yard will look more or less great, and, I can’t emphasize this enough, that damn tile, that, be honest, you were never in love with, will be gone.
Great, so, just email me, then, and I look forward to
occasionally screaming working with you real soon.
P.S. I’m also real obsessed with donuts, and snack cakes, so I’m offering an add-on service in which I look up endless pictures of both and show you, even if you don’t ask.
Movie of the day: Come to Daddy, included with Prime. Such a weird movie, and if you say that you saw ANY of it coming, you have either 1) secretly seen it already or 2) sit on a throne of lies. Elijah Wood stars.
Show of the day: Peaky Blinders, Netflix. I love Tommy Shelby, and I love a little 1920s-era mobbing, maybe because I’m entrenched in the 1920s currently due to my love of those presidents and the 19th Amendment (CENTENNIAL YEAR OMG). Anyway, why not?
Song of the day: I’m wearing their shirt today and I really love them, so let’s hit Rainbow Kitten Surprise and Devil Like Me. A band that plays small venues at more than reasonable ticket prices, Rainbow Kitten Surprise is a damned delight.